acting it out

the art of learning to live

anger

anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored, than to anything on which it is poured.

I can see how this anger I am carrying around is affecting myself.
I can see its negative influence in my life.

But I am still having a hard time letting go.

I’m not use to feeling this way.
I’ve been mad.
But never angry.
Not like this.

This anger is paired with resentment.
It is magnified by years worth of broken heartedness
& feeling like I can’t let anyone new into my life.

How does one conquer anger?

Forgiveness.

It’s a catch 22 though.

I am angry.
I need to forgive.
I can not forgive because I am so angry.
I am angry because I am holding on to something I can not forgive.

Where does forgiveness come from?

Love.

Again, a conundrum.

I am angry.
I need to forgive.
I need to love to forgive.
I can not love because I am so angry.
I am angry because I need to forgive.

I am only human, after all.

So how do I get the love I need to forgive?

God?
The Universe?
The Force?

Or is it that I don’t need to “get” it from anywhere?

Is it already here, in me.
Buried beneath the anger.
& all the other lies I tell myself I can not get rid of on my own.

I believe so.

How do I unbury the love I need to find to forgive so I can rid myself of the anger?

Strength.

Where do I get my strength to unbury the love I need to find to forgive so I can rid myself of the anger?

Anger.

I take the anger I have towards others.
Towards the situation I am in, and I re-direct it.

It becomes the fuel to my discovery of love.

Because I’m not really angry at anyone.
I’m not really angry at how my life is.

I am angry at myself for thinking that it has to be this way.
I am angry at myself for believing the lies that society impresses upon me.

So I use my anger to attack the parts of myself that I want to lose.
The baggage I carry around.

I take my anger & I attack the negative things in my life that are built up around my heart & I free myself to love the way I need to so that I can forgive what I need to so that I can rid myself of the anger & move on, carrying only what is left.
Holding on to only the love.

I am angry.
But I will be strong.
I will love.
I will forgive.
I will start with forgiving myself.

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